It’s very unlikely that you’ll hear a leader saying anything like this. We all know that when our behaviours match our words, it seems to help build better relationships and that’s even more true for leaders.
When we’re working through big change, we look to leaders for guidance and to set an example for us to follow. So, matching what we do and say becomes even more important.
But, so very often and for whatever reason, we see leaders and managers in all walks of life say one thing and do another – it becomes a ‘say-do’ gap.
Here’s an example, recently shared with me. A leader was keen to make sure everyone in their team was doing OK and one way they thought to do that was to see them on camera. So, they asked everyone to switch on their cameras on at the start of each meeting. And the leader did it themselves too. No problem.
By saying something that shows a commitment (“let’s put our cameras on in meetings”), that leader was setting an expectation. More importantly for leaders – and especially in times of change when our senses are heightened to threats – people are actively looking for expectations to be met. And in this case, it was.
So, when the leader’s camera was switched off with no explanation part-way through the first meeting of making this commitment, there was a big disconnect. Everyone else then switched off their cameras pretty soon afterwards.
If you don’t deliver on the expectation you’ve set out – in this case, switching off your camera - it will stick out like a sore thumb. You will be remembered for all the wrong reasons.
If your team don’t know you well, or it’s at the start of a big change project when people are looking for role models and clarity so they have something to follow, it’s very likely that you will make a poor impression, even if that wasn’t your intention.
But what if the reason for you having to switch off was a call from the CEO that you had to take (as it was in this case)? She’d apparently already called once so it would have been career-limiting to ignore it. You don’t want to let your team down and give a poor impression, but you know that this call wouldn’t be for anything insignificant. What then?
Here’s a few examples that might help:
Put in work upfront – rather than agreeing on the hoof in a meeting to something (“let’s put our cameras on in meetings”) take a few minutes to agree how you work together overall and include discussion around how things will work should the unexpected happen (the call from the CEO). Everyone will then know it’s a non-negotiable reason why you’ve disappeared without explanation. I’ve worked with leadership teams to set out their agreed ways of working and in some cases, setting out a team charter which does exactly this.
Be humble – if you don’t have an agreement or charter in place, just by saying “Sorry, I had to go on an urgent call, what did I miss?” will make a big difference. It explains why you couldn’t meet the expectation you’d set, and it shows respect for others. This approach would have been a game-changer for our example leader who came back on the call, continued as if nothing had happened and then wondered why all the cameras were now off…
Manage upwards as well as down – explaining to your peers and your own leaders how you work with your team and the expectations you have agreed – sharing your charter can help here too - will help them understand why and when you have to say no.
If you repeatedly deliver on your promises (which is, in effect what you’re doing when you practice what you preach), you will be leading with integrity. Each one of those actions you deliver on will help to establish the right boundaries, avoid misunderstanding and build trust.
That will help your team to trust you more. And it’s much more likely that they will make better decisions on their own - and follow your decisions too.
If you’re looking for some help in building trust in big change or setting up better team-working, take a look at the Twist coaching services or get in touch.