Whenever we’re involved in big changes, listening – and asking good questions - can make a positive difference to how people feel about what’s going on. This approach can help to uncover challenges or problems that people may not want to say out loud or have trouble putting into words.
But, when big changes lead to bigger workloads, more pressure and greater ‘busyness’, it can feel like getting conversations or meetings ‘done’ quickly, can be a good result, helping to clear your to do list. But, if you’ve been on the receiving end of a conversation with someone who doesn’t seem to have the time to listen, you’ll know that this can be counterintuitive.
This ‘getting done’ approach can often move you further away from your goal, not closer to it as you might well be missing out on some valuable feedback.
So, how can you create some new habits that will help you improve your listening? Here’s some things I’ve found have worked for me – let me know what you think.
1. Make time and plan
It might not feel connected to listening but hopping between back-to-back meetings leaves little time for prep, planning or reflection, which do matter. So, try to wrestle back some control of your time. Aim to spend a minimum of ten minutes getting ready for any discussions – even more if they involve one-to-one conversations or sharing feedback. Get up from the space you’re in and walk about, however small the change in your environment might feel.
You don’t want to join a conversation with the leftovers of emotions or a train of thought from another one.
2. Get in the right frame of mind
To listen well and really focus on what the other person is saying, means that you need to come to it in the right frame of mind – ideally, an open mind. This is definitely something that needs practice. It’s only by listening with an open mind that you can really understand what’s going on for someone else - they are trying to make sense of what’s happening for them by saying things out loud.
Focus totally on the other person, how you’re helping them by listening and stay curious. This will all help.
3. Slow down, don’t interrupt
Back to point one... usually when we’re busy or haven’t found the time to plan ahead of a conversation, we can find ourselves working at a faster pace than others. This means I’ve been on the receiving end of someone who tries to speed me up by nodding (often vigorously) interrupting or putting words in my mouth (I’ve done this to others).
It’s not great as it means that we’re following our own path and not the person we’re (supposed to be) listening to.
Getting into the habit of slowing down and stopping myself interrupting, is one of the trickiest things I’ve had to practice, but it does lead to much more interesting and better conversations.
4. Listen for the less obvious
With conversations taking place through screens and phones and sometimes face to face, honing our skills in picking up more detailed nuances can really help. These nuances can include picking up the words that people use – what story are they trying to tell? What about the tone of voice they’re using and when? Our tone can change for example, when we get excited or fearful about something. What about the speed they talk at – what subjects are they discussing when they slow down or speed up?
These are just a few of the cues we can often miss but which can tell us so much.
5. Listen with intent, stay curious, enquire
If you stay curious and focused on the other person and what’s being said, I can guarantee that your listening skills will improve. Listen, not to say your piece, but to really hear what someone is trying to say, and things will be better.
I feel really strongly that listening is a real gift we can give to people – it’s glorious when you know that you’ve been listened to. If you keep this in mind, especially in an organisation context when things can feel overwhelmingly busy, then your approach will shift.
I’d love to hear how you get on.
In case you missed them... here are my previous posts on this subject:
Want to improve your listening skills and have better conversations? This might help…
Do you have a listening problem?
You might like this article, if you want to train your brain to be more open-minded.
If you’d like to hone your listening skills or have a dedicated space in which to be listened to, get in touch below.