I love listening to people’s stories and understanding what makes them tick. I like finding out what’s going on with folk. You never quite know what you’ll discover.
Image: Gary Butterfield, unsplash
So, when I started watching the TV show Ted Lasso (you can read my review here). I was so pleased to find another kindred spirit who’s equally fascinated by people and how we connect, communicate and get along.
If you’ve not seen Ted Lasso, it’s the story of an American football coach who is hired to come to the UK to coach a premier league football team – AFC Richmond.
In the first series - which I’m now re-watching – one episode includes a scene where Ted plays darts. Without giving too much away, this scene shows perfectly what a massive gift curiosity is, as opposed to being judgmental (warning – there is swearing in this clip).
Do you have time to be curious?
But, these days, it seems that we just don’t have time to be curious. Instead, our brains use the experience, learning and patterns they’ve developed over time to help speed things up. We often skip curiosity completely, so we can make rapid assumptions and judgements and quickly make sense of whatever is in front of us.
We can see someone - either in person or online - and we make an instant judgement of them (often negative) whether that’s based on what they’re doing, how they look or what they say. It can stir reactions that make us feel angry, frustrated or even disappointed. This can often feel completely irrational.
Many times, we don’t even know the person we’re judging, let alone understand them or have a clue where they’re coming from. And, there’s no time to get to know them either because we’ve already made our decision and moved on.
It’s not a great – or sustainable - way to look at the world, shortcut or not.
So how can we be more Ted Lasso?
Commit to becoming more aware of how you’re responding. This means becoming much more conscious of how you respond to situations and people and what being judgmental or making assumptions feels like for you. It might involve slowing down just a little.
It means observing yourself much more closely than you probably usually do.
When you find yourself making judgements - whatever they might be - get curious. Do what Ted suggests. Try to find out more about people - ask questions, observe and listen, to both yourself and others.
A quick tip if you’re not in the habit of being curious; don’t chuck a barrage of questions out there. You’ll get people’s backs up and switch them off. Instead, practice listening with the intent to understand - not to respond or talk about yourself.
You might find yourself enjoying this approach more, taking time to unlearn and unpick the habit of being judgmental and making assumptions. And you’ll learn lots in the process.
Let me know how you get on – I’m genuinely very curious!